Seeing Double

There are now TWO brides in the family!! My brother will be marrying his lovely fiance 6 weeks before our wedding. I couldn't be more excited for them and for their wedding which is essentially the opposite of our wedding - so we get the best of both worlds this year. Most of all, I am excited to have Mindy joining our family. She fits in like a glove! She hikes with mom, sits by the pool with me, loves BBQ's and cookouts (or pretty much any family gathering), shopping, and well...she puts up with our Brendan:) So 2010 is the year of the bride for our family...we'll see what 2011 brings....

Random WTF moments of my subconcious

Ok, so we are no longer even in the ballpark of counting wedding dreams. I have 72 days to get ready and they are coming full force. Mind you no amount of organization and preparedness, which by all accounts I am ahead of the game on, can stop the stories that my mind comes up with. I would say to lay off on the spicey food or hard alcohol, but I am not really indulging in either...so what's the deal? I think I am handling things pretty well in my waking time and therefore, I am purging all the worries between 10pm and 6am. Here are some interesting highlights...
- I was marrying a friend's brother and decided I didn't want to marry him (but later in my dream told myself, "don't worry, you're marrying Jakub!"
- My dress was too short (I can't get away from the dress problem dreams!)
- I realized I had been wearing a men's dress shirt and tie over my dress
- I hadn't turned the 20 lbs of jelly bellies I now own into favors, so we just had a bowl of them in the bathroom!
- I punched a bridesmaid in the face (I have NO reason to punch any of my wonderful girls!)
- I woke myself up trying to count guests and continued doing it until I had to just get up and watch TV
- nobody showed up

I know there is more that my brain has come up with, but I believe it dumps most of it out of self preservation. Now, this is not to say I'm not enjoying this...I'm actually enjoying the process very much - I just can't convince my brain of it!

Be Our Guest!

That is, IF you received an invitation, which by most reports have been received by now. I would have never considered that to be a stressful endeavor, but I was wrong (which at this point should be the theme of the wedding). Now, I have no second thoughts about the marriage, but the wedding is a constant stressor...sometimes you want to throw in the towel and run away (with the Mister). And that always feels like an option...until you hand over those invites to Mr. Post Man. Oh man, it's like finally jumping in with both feet- again, with the event, not the relationship. I checked and double checked...and sit freaking out that this, that, or the other will occur. Stress level went from 4 to 7 really quick...luckily I only have 88 days to worry about any of it...even if it's a disaster, it will be over in 88 days!

Is Ms. Manners on the Guest List?

There is a consensus among brides, past and present...people are, to say it nicely, presumptuous. I have to admit I understand being inconvenienced by other people's weddings, but I've never been rude about it. You can decide it doesn't work for you and not go...because it's an invitation, not an arrest warrant. If you do want to go, you gotta grin and bear it. You're not going to ask the bride to change her dress, her wedding colors, her GROOM, right?! Why would you ask her to change, or make assumptions about her guest list. You can not make any assumptions...and don't ask. You will find out if you're invited when an invitation does or doesn't come to your house. In addition, etiquette dictates that spouses or live in partners are invited...if you've been dating someone a couple of months...or kissed a guy in a club- it does not mean that your friend has the responsibility to pay $100 for them to eat and drink and allow them to share in their special day. I know this sounds like a whiny vent- and guess what? It is. I do mean to complain. Honestly - people should trust me when I say that this is NOT easy - I want everyone to be happy and have fun. I also want all the people I love in the world to be with me that day - and if I haven't met your cousin's brother's best friend's sister that you met at Lilith Fair 3 years ago, then I don't love her. Some of my favorite people aren't able to come based on things like cost, occupancy, feuds and hard feelings.

I will add in that some people have been very kind...beyond the mister, all of our very generous parents, and a stellar wedding party- others have really helped. Some people have let me know that they can't attend off the bat...allowing me to plan around their precious positions. Some friends have asked details for their own planning purposes and then been more than kind at any answer I've given. I hope these people know that every person who believes they are special enough to have their entourage to my wedding or that my wedding is the place to find out if they really like that guy from the internet, makes me appreciate them MORE - it doesn't shadow over how sensitive they are to me.

Like I've said - you learn quickly who the wedding is NOT about - the couple. Or at least that's how it feels. Waaa, waaaa, I know.

There's a Little Bridezilla in us all...

Enter the next in the running saga of wedding dreams. Where to start? How about the beginning...
I am walking down the aisle (of course not my location - looks like outside a gym or recreation center). First I notice that I get to look at all the people in attendance...I've thought a couple of times how cool this part must be. Some of the people invited I haven't seen for some years...how does one NOT stop and chat?! So far it seems great, little do I know it's going to get worse (how does that work, BTW? I'm making it up in MY brain, how do I NOT know what's coming?!). So everyone has seen me and I'm getting down the aisle and realize I'm not completely ready AND my music isn't playing. I storm back to a room where my DJ is...in my dream I can't remember the name of the songs and he kept asking "Journey?" NO! Not journey, the songs I sent you 7 months ago fool!! You don't even have them available? This is where I went TOTALLY Bridezilla, yelling and screaming in my dream. I had a gaggle of bridesmaids (none of which are actually in my wedding) who weren't dressed yet, and I was yelling "who the f*** wouldn't be dressed by NOW?!" And in my dream, Bridezilla-ing doesn't go over so well (again, why do I make things harder if I'm making them up?). My DJ starts telling me I'm rude and yelling back at me. I try to be firm yet kind to just to get MY aisle music playing. I end up having to hand him my ipod to get the music. I start walking back up, but it's not exciting because everyone's already seen me. My dad is no where to be seen but everyone is telling me to keep walking BUT I look to the end of aisle and Mister isn't there either...this is NOT how I wanted it.
So, not only is there a Bridezilla somewhere lurking in my subconcious, but it doesn't get anything accomplished either. Lesson learned, I'll be nice. But not too nice...

Engagement Photos: The Sequel

We took our engagement photos, which honestly was never in my plan and didn't matter much to me. How was I to know this could be better than a massage in the relaxation department? So from now on, this will be one of my "when I was a bride" tips - do an engagement session. Why? I will tell you....

1) I got to know my photographer a little bit better. I saw her style WHILE in action (and was pleasantly suprised) and got to chit chat a little at the same time. I even met her cute pup!

2)I got to try out make-up application for the day. There are schools of thought that preach "not too much make-up when you're wearing white!" some that just say "no bright colors" and some that say "cake it on baby, or the camera won't see it at all!" I felt pretty made up and still could have probably used a little more at times. But I got a good rehearsal for the BIG DAY.

3)I got to see the magic that my photographer can work! I am now not terrified of a little blemish here or small imperfections. I actually don't mind looking at the pictures she took of me which gives me so much more confidence for the day.

Overall I'm just more relaxed about the photo process which is not a small part of the day. One more thing to check off the list, take a big deep sigh, and pop open a Bud Light Lime over.

Here Comes the (mothers of) the Bride

There is a horde of television shows and movies that portray brides as prissy, snippy, little brats who protest details, change their minds endlessly, and add tension to the lives of those around them. And the main "boning" of contention? The dress. Yes, one single network has two shows alone related SOLELY to the decision of the Bride's attire. The material is wrong, it fits me weird, it's the wrong shade of white...whatever it is, Brides are shown in various states of mania over the dress. I tried on a max of 8 dresses and the whole deal was over in a total of 3hours spanned over 3 weeks. I'm not tooting my own horn (ok, wait, yes I am!) but I just find it an interesting contrast between some of the other wardrobe woes associated with our wedding.

The moms are a wonderful bunch of ladies...two are mine, one is his, but I'm the only daughter amongst the group. Now, I get that as a bride, I am the only one in my role, and therefore meant to stand out. As one of 3 "Mother of"s, they would like to co-ordinate, be dressed on a similar level but not matchy matchy or god forbid, actually matching. (My mom and step-mom have done that once...it's a great story, but doesn't need a sequel). Brides also have the advantage of the fact that OUR dresses don't have an 80% frump factor (notice I didn't say they don't have a large hidious factor!) so we're luckier than the moms there. But we have four month left (Ok, 3 months, 4 weeks, 1 day, 1 hour, 39 minutes, 32 seconds - yup, there's an app for that) and I believe the universal mom panic button was activated. All three are curious about what to wear, worried about not finding anything, and further - they are concerned about what I will think. Have they met me? I want them to feel pretty and comfortable that day...if that involves a mid-drift baring sequins dress, then so be it! (I jest only because they all have better style than that). But I am starting to see collective beads of sweat form on their maternal brows. I'm guessing more time has gone into the hunt for "Mother Of" attire than the wedding dress already, and a LOT more worry and time will go into it before this journey ends.
And so as not to put the moms in a bubble, I have made it a little easier by putting the dads and my brother in the same tuxes as the wedding party...but they aren't wedding party, so I thought I would get them co-ordinating but different ties. Well, any tie with champagne...also has blue. Blue is not in the "palette" - so it has come down to me relying on a certain wedding angel who found a tie pattern that I JUST might be able to follow:)
My friends too have begun telling me their wardrobe plans...I'm almost getting more excited to see them than to have them see me! And of course - I'm beyond honored that everyone is so concerned about what they are wearing to our wedding - even though, like most of what I've discovered during wedding planning, probably has nothing to do with us!

Playing Dress Up

I picked up my dress. It's white- not blue, or black, or red patterned, but white (actually ivory). It's also humungo as I suspected, but better big than small. Especially in this case, because if THAT dress was small, I would be better fit as an 80's movie icon/marketing tool.


Anyhow, I got my dress from the store...and on the same day my veil and my shoes. My veil is the veil Geneen wore for her wedding...it matches my dress so perfectly, kind of fits our entire friendship. AND I just needed "something borrowed" and that is it. (Did you hear that G? Due to tradition, you need to take it back!) My shoes are fun, and although slightly pricier than I would have liked for a pair of shoes I very well may only wear ONCE in my life - I am happy with them...they are comfortable AND cute.

So the dress went to my dad's house because my apartment is small and houses someone who is not supposed to see said dress, and everyone else's house has animals...and fur on my dress could lead to a pretty sneezy, goobery bride. But I took the shoes and veil home...and put them on. And then took them out a few more times and put them on. For two days.


I know it's juvenile not to be able to stop my urges to play dress up with my wedding accessories (in a house with, not one, but TWO) bottles of BBQ sauce!)but at least I had the maturity to recognize it. I forfeited my accessories to my dad to take home. They should be safe there - but I miss them!!

Hair accessories are on their way to me now. I wonder what kind of self control I'll have with those....

Engagement Photos Shmotos

So we had a our first snafu and it went so well, I'm welcoming the others that are sure to come! (Just kidding universe, or god, or whoever...I totally just knocked on wood). We had our engagement session, that we didn't schedule until the "spring" so that we could get some beautiful weather. Beautiful weather started, and I scheduled. We picked Santa Clara's Central Park - Santa Clara is basically where we both grew up and I like that it's a place we'll always recognize in our pictures.

We spent a week getting ready. I picked out a stellar wardrobe (if I may say so) and accessories that were fun but not so "out there" that I wouldn't be ME in the photos. I used face masks and peels and got my hair touched up. I let the lady at the mall rip out my eyebrow hairs in front of the heavy Friday crowd (that ended up consisting of at least 4 people I knew).

The morning of the big shoot it was a little cloudy. We started running errands, and everyone was very concerned what the weather would look like by 3pm....except us for some reason. Each errand we finished brought the reward of darker skies, more droplets and by noon (as we finished all our errands) we got a call AND a torrential downpour at the same moment. Photo shoot was off. Or should I say, pushed back. The result? We had all our errands done and an entire free, rainy, Sunday afternoon on our hands.

We used leftovers and made big BBQ sandwiches and ate leftover junkfood. I read and slept on the couch while Jake watched golf. We probably moved less that afternoon than most one-hour stints on most weekends. It was great.

Dreams: Round 2

I think I jinxed myself. I keep telling people how relaxed I am - and that I'm so far along in my planning process. AND that I'm not worried...finally my mind said "hey, hey! We don't talk like that around here!" And before I woke up exactly six months before our wedding, I had another wedding themed dream...

It started out that I was shopping in Whole Foods for flowers...this is similar to my actual plan of going to a farmers market the day before my wedding to get flowers and make my (our) own bouquets. Lately, I've been a little worried about getting to within 24 hours of the wedding and finding that I can't accomplish this. In my dream I found the perfect flower...then found it cost $99 per stem. That was NOT going to work. Not sure if the flower issue was solved - but I know we were rushing around trying to get things done. I saw the clock and it was 7pm - my rehearsal was supposed to be at 4pm.
After that I got my dress. Now I know it was ordered big and is going to need some alterations. It's in but I haven't picked it up. In my dream I got it very last minute and put it on. I could tell that it didn't fit well, that the chest area was extended beyond my body, and I also noticed it was a halter top (not my real dress). When I was getting ready to walk down the isle I saw myself in a window and the dress was powder blue! Can a sister not wear a white dress?! Seriously, are we seeing a pattern here?
I decided the photographer would be able to at least make my dress white in pictures, but then I thought...the photographer! She didn't catch any getting ready shots. She hadn't even shown up yet, and I was walking towards the isle. I remembered that my hair wasn't even brushed and again, I thought "I never even got my sparkly bridal apparel."
So I have a renewed feeling of stress. Dreams are good for that:) NOW I feel like a real bride.

Family Ties

Beyond the day of the wedding - I'm committing the rest of my life to the mister, and in doing so, to his family. We are currently living within miles of both of our immediate families and hope to keep it that way. I already know I love my family - but there's always the fear that you'll be getting a monster of a mother in law, siblings that don't like me....the list goes on. So I must say that I feel very lucky, not only with my family's love for Mr. Mister (not the band) but also with finding a family I'm happy to commit my life to also.

His mother is laid back and supportive. His dad is generous with fixing things and I'm excited to be their first daughter (without subjecting them to the pre-teen years).

And he has two brothers - they are nothing like mister, but they're awesome. His little brother is my first little brother (I asked for one for Christmas for so many years, maybe Santa finally gave him to me!) He's an awesome actor and is always really sweet. One is my age exactly and he is funny. He likes Thai food which is great since mister doesn't - he likes cocktails - and he zings mister very well.

Some Details

Ok, so I've slacked big time...and haven't written for over a month. Therefore, I am going to give some fun details to try to make up for it to my readers (assuming readers actually exist).

Lets start the exact same place I did, 3 months and 2 days ago...my engagement ring. It's exactly what I wanted. I gave some hints to the mister, but he went and picked it out after getting the family diamond from my mom. I adore it.

Our ceremony will be on the porch of a golf course with a beautiful view, just in case anyone gets bored with the 10 minute ceremony...fear not. There's something to look at.

...BUT before I get there my dad and I, with a set of heels and a million pounds of dress must conquer these stairs...

I was interested in making my wedding a combination of mildly creative and as eco-conscious as a wedding can be. I decided to limit the cut flowers to the bouquets, and even then, I will be getting locally grown flowers. That created a need for some creativity for the centerpieces and I think I did okay. This is in the works still but I believe I have chosen living these living topiaries. I think they will be dressed up a little - but I think they're simple but elegant and someone can take them home and keep them alive.

Underneath there will (as long as my sewing machine cooperates) be runners in this print.

We haven't been to the food testing yet (that reminds me, thing number 2,582 to schedule), but I'm just thrilled about filet mignon...I will most likely need a wedding bib (one of the best ideas Beth has ever had!) but I WILL eat at my wedding, and I will be eating beef. The other food is called "Airline Chicken." Now that I've found out what it really is, I'm disappointed that it such an unappealing name. It is the wing and the breast attached...looks very regal- in a midevil sort of way.

This is the closest to the cake...however inside it is second to none. There's a layer of spice cake with cream cheese filling, white cake with lemon filling, white cake with rasberry cream filling, and a chocolate mocha sheet cake to boot.

I have picked songs, but those too are best left a surprise...
I hope this made up for my hiatus. I have a few more things to blab on and on about.

Weighty Issues

When it comes to losing weight I a) hate men, and b) think there is infallible proof that god is a jokester. Between the mister and I, not to mention our families and wedding party, there is a weightloss goal equivalent to a medium sized T-rex. In fact, I have renamed my maid of honor, my "nazi" of honor due to her postal dedication to jazzercise attendance (thank god for her husband's spoiling her with a trip to Europe for a break). We sweat for hours a week, and spend our non-active times writhing in muscular pain while denying ourselves treats, sugar, normal portions, and alcohol (sometimes). My mom and step-mom and future mother-in-law all subscribe to and follow different programs that cost money, require cooking of strange soups and other such concoction, and risk some less than comfortable side effects. We are all feeling deprived and a little grumpy and not seeing results. (Yet, right? We always say YET, because this HAS to pay off at some point!)

Meanwhile, the men are trying too. My brother does a work out and cuts down to a reasonable diet...and loses 10 pounds before we know it. My intended? Last week he worked out...ONCE. We had Chinese food - twice. I had baked lemon bars and made a tiramisu (I know, this doesn't help my cause either) which he had for breakfast AND dessert. After a week, he weighed himself...he lost SIX pounds.

This is SO unfair.

Wedding Dreams #5 and #6

My 5th wedding dream was a hoot- the night before my best friend and matron of honor's birthday, I dreamt that we were running around the night before the wedding, being...very US. I need to pick tons of things up and so we had to RUN to Michael's between all the other events going madly wrong. We starting throwing randomness into the baskets (ala highschool shopping trips)and then snuck into the corner and started making goofy bridal barrets and generally entertaining ourselves with things other people would find tacky and annoying. It made me smile to think of how much fun her and I will have with this (I know, it's about Jakub and I, but I have honestly imagined sharing this day with her since way before I met Jakub. It means the world to me that she will be by my side, just like I was by hers.


Wedding dream #6 was back to wedding day coming without preparation...running around, looking for a location, trying to find Bridesmaid dresses, trying to get my hair done. Ultimately there was no location so it all got moved to the tiny porch outside my mom's house. I was frantically trying to find my isle walking music online and couldn't...and then I turned to my mom and said, "It doesn't really matter, this is just a dream. I'll get another chance to do it." The dream kept going, but throughout I kept reminding myself that I didn't need to worry because I was just dreaming. Possibly next time I can decide to CHANGE the dream- that would be awesome.

Nuvaring-1: Katie- 0

One Saturday morning while lying around in bed, imagining the fun of our wedding (and the night of - not that it will be a maiden voyage by any means) I decided to take down our tropical images calendar and do some sleuthing. Turns out, I was right on plan to be having one particularly unwelcome guest the day of my wedding. The wedding night aside - me and white have not exactly gotten along in the past...I could only imagine the embarrassment that would ensue...

So I researched how to use my current form of "anti-baby" to set my schedule off by a week. Now, let it be known that lots of people do this with no issue whatsoever. I however am very sensitive to hormones and medications (and let's face it, everything) and suspected I might have a little trouble. What has errupted has been the biggest, ugliest volcano of illness, moodiness, tears, and general malase.

A week into the week skipping process, my body got very upset. It decided to take it out on my stomach first...mock afternoon sickness is the best description. I would feel fine until the clock hit the PM times and I would get overwhelming desire to lose whatever I had eaten. After I had, I would start to feel better, and then maybe have a few more waves. I also got tired and moody. And by moody I don't mean just one negative mood...I mean, Cybil moody. Happy, then teary, then clingy, then pissed, etc. etc. In general I just felt yucky...like a long string of PMS. I hear if you keep with it, it will get better, but I'm not going to take that risk. This weekend I go back to the normal routine, the wedding debaucle is diverted, and I guess I can consider myself a stronger person for it?

My Dress

I bought my dress...what a relief to have found something that I love NOW...so even if I fail to make all the BMI adjustments I hope to make before the BIG DAY, I will feel beautiful, because this dress really makes me feel that way. Obviously, I can't show pics, because they have to keep hidden from a certain Mister, but I am considering posting pics of some of the ones that didn't make the cut...

On another note, the night before I (as in my mom with her credit card and me in tow) bought the dress, I had one more dress dream. I dreamt that I disappointed the women at the other dress shop (I LOVED my first consultant at Trudy's!), and that again I ended up in a dark dress instead of white...and it was beautiful, but didn't make me feel bridely.

However, I look at my picture of my dress a few times a day, and every time I look like a real bride to me - and that was something I couldn't picture until I started putting on the dresses.

So I think that is end of my dress dreams...but I'm sure my mind has plenty up it's sleeve to fret about, even if currently, none of it is happening.

The "NEXT" Step

Before I begin (or AS I begin, as the case might be) let me say this - I am not a strange breed who has never been advised to live in the moment...enjoy every step of this wedding planning and of the day itself, because before I know it, it'll be a distant memory and I'll wish for the day back and yadda, yadda, yadda...I KNOW. And despite what it may look like, I TRY. HARD. Part of the process I won't miss, in fact, is the effort I'm pouring into enjoying it (although, it's starting to pay off and I am having some wonderful experiences). But not too far into the back of my mind (and that of others, some of whom have vocalized it) exists the "next step"...

BABY. Such a cute little round, bubbly word. Fitting, as most babies I've known were cute and bubbly for most of the time, and when they weren't, I handed them back. One day, there was a friend or family member with a big tummy and then later there was a little cutie who grew far too fast. And I've wanted to be THAT PERSON as long as I can remember - I mean, I wanted to be a mommy when I was 4. My baby doll meant the world to me, all my animals have been infant stand ins, and I've absorbed information like a baby making sponge! But all this time there has been a protective barrier (no profolactic-pun intended) between me and this idea...I wasn't married.

this is a good time to note that at the ripe age of thirty, I AM in fact aware that you don't need to be married to conceive a child...in fact I'm painfully aware of this having had the occassional "close call"

But now I will be getting married and we even have the occassional conversation about it. The funny thing is that the conversation has gone from "Crap, I hope NOT!!" or "I thought YOU had it covered?!" to a more positive tone. Especially with my choice of spouses...he is super, EXTRA down for a baby. My mind has decided to hit the breaks big time...screaching halt.

Brain: Wait, you wanna do what with your body?! Is this safe? Is it gonna hurt? I don't remember thinking this was a good idea.

Heart: Um, yeah, the conversation has only been going on for 25 years or so...being a mommy, baby clothes, etc....remember?!

Brain: Faintly, but I think I was kidding...like the time I said we should try to finish that drink- or try a rollercoaster...or move somewhere exotic...

Heart: Well, we're doing it...you don't get to make all the choices.

Brain: Ok, well then I want a better idea of what I'm dealing with here.

Soooo, brain and heart compromised and brain got to scan for some books to brush up on the matter...but brain, being a little overactive at times, picked 4 books for me and 1 for Jakub (just in case that "I'm never changing poopy diapers" joke is less joke and more warning). By the way, that is very embarrassing to admit.

So books are on their way, and god willing, someday so will a little person who will blame ME for their early development or short stature or neurotic mind, keep me up nights worried about stuffy noses and what kind of vomit is "ok" vomit. And according to everyone, I will love it.

To be continued....

Wedding Dream #4

Well, I had to open my big fat mouth yesterday and say it had been nearly a week since I performed wacky nuptuals in my sleep. Jinxed much? Here was last night's dream...

We were in a run down house, I think it was mine and in the run down bedroom of said house. Some random, white trash-ish people who were my family (but not my family, because the real ones aren't white trash)were seated in the room - probably 15 or so people. My mom was officiating (at least I can get SOME details straight) and Jake and I were getting married. He was in a dark suit and to begin with, I don't know what I was wearing...but soon it was the part of the ceremony where I was to put a furry sweater of mine on him (wait, WHAT? This is not standard wedding ceremony affair?!). He wasn't thrilled about it, but went for it...then I looked again and he had stripped down to boxers...and before I knew it I was in my skivies too! But then I looked and he was dressed, but I was still in my skivies! This was a WEE bit embarrassing and we fell on the bed laughing. At this point I remembered I didn't have the marriage license, and my mom said we should just finish the ceremony and worry about it later.


And what does this mean? Not even going to try to guess.

Wedding Dream #3

Ok, so the wedding dreams had kind of waned. I feel better now that we have a venue, a DJ, and a photographer. I feel like I have a handle on this wedding and that makes me feel a little better. And then we were doing some calculating and figured that next Tuesday, it is eight months until our wedding...eight months seems so close, when eight months has NEVER seemed close. So once again I make the fatal mistake of falling asleep and the story plays out as such...

In my dream I was eight months from my wedding and wasn't feeling so hot- and only a lemon-y something made me feel better. In my dream this prompted me to pee on a stick and low and behold...plus sign. Now I can't say I was disappointed - baby talk has accompanied wedding talk from time to time. But I kept thinking how this was going to mess up the wedding. Deposits have been made, people are starting to make plans. I knew that in 8 months I wouldn't just have a cute little bump - I would be a swollen, possibly sweaty boat of a person. I mean, I'm worried about losing weight for the day already, but 8 months pregnant?! I just couldn't believe that would be cute. I started thinking that now I knew I could easily get pregnant, maybe I could just abort this ONE and start over after the wedding. Seriously, I was considering an abortion for one day. Inner Bridezilla coming out much? Could I possibly be placing more importance on this day than I'm admitting to anyone, including myself? Nah, I'm probably just feeling bloated.

Anyways, entertaining as it is that it came out in this way, that was the latest of my dreams. I'm now on the dream wagon for ALMOST a week. I'm almost curious what else will come out in the heat of the night as this day draws closer.

Popping Sarah's BM Cherry

Ok, that title has the ability to elicit a giggle from someone as immature as me...anywho - my cousin Sarah is one of my bridesmaids and it has come to my attention that this is her first time. She is excited (bless her little heart!) and I just had to make note of it. She called me the other day and was asking if there was anything she could do and told me she wanted to do her job and be there for me emotionally, physically and however I needed her. What she maybe doesn't fully get is that I picked her and Ali and Geneen, not hoping that they would step up to be there for me in all ways that they can, but because they always have been. I picked three girls who have consistently gone above and beyond for me - hopefully they know how important that has been to me.
And on another note...I am NOT a fan of being in other people's weddings - I have enjoyed it every time and love all the girls who I've stood up for, but it's like a group project in the fifth grade and there are pictures to prove it forever. So Sarah, I'm glad you're excited...say good-bye to your bridesmaid virginity and I hope it doesn't hurt too much:)

Wedding Dream #2

So I'm really at a loss as to whether to label the nocturnal adventures as dreams or nightmares. I don't necessarily feel fear in them, nor do things fall apart to a point of no return. They are in the ComDram genre, if I had to chose a genre for my subconscious.
So wedding dream number two again focused on the dress (because seriously? I haven't decided to work out the fact that I will have 150 people watch me walk down a huge flight of concrete stairs?!) and it went...weird. My wedding was in a restaurant attached to a mall. I ran from the celebration INTO the mall and started picking up wedding dresses that I love...5 at least. I started trying them on, loving them, and then they would turn from white to colored. Not one color that I could easily interpret, but multi-colored. I just wanted one to stay white (although I see the irony of my wearing white on my wedding day)...and that's where it ended. Perhaps after my first dress appointment (yes, wedding dress shopping apparently shares the same scheduling requirements as a root canal - please god, don't let that be telling of the experience!) my brain will have this part worked out.

Cinderella got a palace, but I could fill it up

Sound the alarm - I have found a wedding planning detail that doesn't stress me out! In fact, I love it, RELISH it even. Registering...I've been doing it online and having SO much fun. I get to curl up on the couch, and imagine all the things I love and couldn't afford after 10 years of saving. I know it sounds greedy and that I've become so connected to the "things" related to a day that should be about our love. But whatever...we love each other either way, but it is exciting knowing that we will be showered with things that we handpick. And to make it sound a little better...these things will symbolize the day we celebrated how we feel with everyone...AND IT'S AWESOME STUFF:)
On another defensive note, most of this stuff makes me feel like a "wife." It's horribly sexist and antiquated, but wives have tea sets, and matching dishes, and appliances that don't come from the drug store. And wives have STANDING MIXERS! Seriously, my dreams of wedded bliss have included a standing mixer for as long as I can remember. Since cooking shows didn't have their own network. Since I thought weddings actually included glass slippers (hmmm, how would those go over on the stairs?)
So, good news - I've found some pure joy in the wedding planning process. Bad news - it's selfish and materialistic. Guess what, I'm not going to feel too bad.

Wedding Dream #1

I am highly creative...and one thing I can create like a champ is stress. And my vivid imagination pairs up with the backlog of stress to create some pretty entertaining dreams - and my first wedding dream was a doozy!
So the first dream was 3 weeks into my engagement, where I was feeling a little stressed due to the fact that most of my wedding magazines had to-dos for months 16 to 12 before the wedding, and I wasn't ever going to have a month 16 to 12 considering our engagement turned out to give us roughly 9 total months of planning.
I started out arriving at a rustic lodge in a small out of the way town...apparently my subconscious' choice of venue. I didn't have a dress yet, so I stopped at a small shop and picked one up, uncertain if it would even fit. It fit fairly well to my amazement. I was walking through a bathroom and the back of that well-fitting dress somehow ended up in a toilet...clogged with the more solid of human wastes. It was all over the train of my dress. I went outside and saw all sorts of guests and walked around in my dirty dress until I realized I wasn't close to ready and shouldn't be seen by my guests yet. I headed back inside and realized that my hair had not grown any AND I hadn't yet told my hairdresser about the wedding...I was at a loss as to what I would do with my hair. I also attempted to put on two different kinds of make-up and both kinds turned into a cracking dark masks on my face. I tried to go down to the front desk to get an iron since my slightly soiled dress also happened to be wrinkled. She was rude and although she had one, I somehow was not asking in whatever manner would cause her to hand it over. Then I was standing at the door waiting to walk down the aisle...I just had to walk out, turn a corner and go down the aisle...but I remembered I hadn't yet talked to a florist. An old man handed me flowers out of a vase and as I looked down at my dress that had somehow turned black, I realized I hadn't picked shoes...so I had to wear work shoes (and go figure, my logical mind thought "at least I can wear these again"). I walked out the door, met up with my dad and looked down to realize I was wearing a bulky rain coat and had to tear it off mid-aisle. All said and done though, my last thought before waking was that I didn't care...I was going to see Jake in just a moment and be married...

Not Your Cinderella Bride

When I was 7, I could not decide which uber-girly creature to be for halloween, so I was a combination fairy-princess-bride. They all respresented beautiful, graceful women in fluffy, pretty dresses and some fashion of sparkly or sheer headwear with long flowing hair underneath. Later that year I bought my first white dress and veil for my first communion and it couldn't be long and poofy enough for me (even though I ended up in something very plain because it was the only thing that fit my husky frame).
At 12, I fell in love with the wretched drug store scent "Navy" and decided I would marry a Naval Officer, with navy blue bridesmaid dresses, and wear my signature scent. Something no one would have seen or imagined the likes of before...and it would be perfect.
At 21 I decided I had met my future husband and planned weddings for us on a regular basis...sketching details in women's studies classes of all places, refining what my favorite flower was, and again, idealizing perfection.
Now, at 30, I am engaged to get married. I love him with everything in me and am thrilled at the idea of being his wife and a member of his family. The proposal was perfectly fitting for US...he hid the ring in a pair of Ugg boots I opened Christmas morning. However, by Christmas night, I turned off my phone. I was tired of calling people and figuring out how to throw my "news" into the conversation. I was tired of their questions - which seemed ridiculous considering I had been engaged for a matter of hours (location? date? kids right away?) Wedding magazines morphed from a form of girly innocent porn to a finger waving over my head that I was behind on my to-do's before I even got started.
Talking about flowers and decor and details holds my interest for roughly 20 seconds...I know what I want and I just want it put together. I don't know how to hold my hand when people want to see my ring. I feel funny referring to my not-quite boyfriend and not-quite husband with a snooty sounding french term. The idea of tons of people, all with two eyes on me, does not make me feel royal or special...just self conscious and more than a little anxious.
Regardless of all this...that husky little girl is teaming up with my inner Martha Stewart and forcing me to run at the ideal and jump in with both feet. Then 30 year old Katie remembers what this money could do for (here's where I should say the planet, or the victims of such-and-such, but alas...) ME. The weekend couch marathon queen figures out there is a Saturday that I don't get to myself. But then we book another vendor, or discuss another song, or I just see the excitement in my (insert french snoot term)'s face, and it feels like it will be ok - plus that's what my therapist says to keep repeating....