The "NEXT" Step

Before I begin (or AS I begin, as the case might be) let me say this - I am not a strange breed who has never been advised to live in the moment...enjoy every step of this wedding planning and of the day itself, because before I know it, it'll be a distant memory and I'll wish for the day back and yadda, yadda, yadda...I KNOW. And despite what it may look like, I TRY. HARD. Part of the process I won't miss, in fact, is the effort I'm pouring into enjoying it (although, it's starting to pay off and I am having some wonderful experiences). But not too far into the back of my mind (and that of others, some of whom have vocalized it) exists the "next step"...

BABY. Such a cute little round, bubbly word. Fitting, as most babies I've known were cute and bubbly for most of the time, and when they weren't, I handed them back. One day, there was a friend or family member with a big tummy and then later there was a little cutie who grew far too fast. And I've wanted to be THAT PERSON as long as I can remember - I mean, I wanted to be a mommy when I was 4. My baby doll meant the world to me, all my animals have been infant stand ins, and I've absorbed information like a baby making sponge! But all this time there has been a protective barrier (no profolactic-pun intended) between me and this idea...I wasn't married.

this is a good time to note that at the ripe age of thirty, I AM in fact aware that you don't need to be married to conceive a child...in fact I'm painfully aware of this having had the occassional "close call"

But now I will be getting married and we even have the occassional conversation about it. The funny thing is that the conversation has gone from "Crap, I hope NOT!!" or "I thought YOU had it covered?!" to a more positive tone. Especially with my choice of spouses...he is super, EXTRA down for a baby. My mind has decided to hit the breaks big time...screaching halt.

Brain: Wait, you wanna do what with your body?! Is this safe? Is it gonna hurt? I don't remember thinking this was a good idea.

Heart: Um, yeah, the conversation has only been going on for 25 years or so...being a mommy, baby clothes, etc....remember?!

Brain: Faintly, but I think I was kidding...like the time I said we should try to finish that drink- or try a rollercoaster...or move somewhere exotic...

Heart: Well, we're doing it...you don't get to make all the choices.

Brain: Ok, well then I want a better idea of what I'm dealing with here.

Soooo, brain and heart compromised and brain got to scan for some books to brush up on the matter...but brain, being a little overactive at times, picked 4 books for me and 1 for Jakub (just in case that "I'm never changing poopy diapers" joke is less joke and more warning). By the way, that is very embarrassing to admit.

So books are on their way, and god willing, someday so will a little person who will blame ME for their early development or short stature or neurotic mind, keep me up nights worried about stuffy noses and what kind of vomit is "ok" vomit. And according to everyone, I will love it.

To be continued....