Weighty Issues

When it comes to losing weight I a) hate men, and b) think there is infallible proof that god is a jokester. Between the mister and I, not to mention our families and wedding party, there is a weightloss goal equivalent to a medium sized T-rex. In fact, I have renamed my maid of honor, my "nazi" of honor due to her postal dedication to jazzercise attendance (thank god for her husband's spoiling her with a trip to Europe for a break). We sweat for hours a week, and spend our non-active times writhing in muscular pain while denying ourselves treats, sugar, normal portions, and alcohol (sometimes). My mom and step-mom and future mother-in-law all subscribe to and follow different programs that cost money, require cooking of strange soups and other such concoction, and risk some less than comfortable side effects. We are all feeling deprived and a little grumpy and not seeing results. (Yet, right? We always say YET, because this HAS to pay off at some point!)

Meanwhile, the men are trying too. My brother does a work out and cuts down to a reasonable diet...and loses 10 pounds before we know it. My intended? Last week he worked out...ONCE. We had Chinese food - twice. I had baked lemon bars and made a tiramisu (I know, this doesn't help my cause either) which he had for breakfast AND dessert. After a week, he weighed himself...he lost SIX pounds.

This is SO unfair.

Wedding Dreams #5 and #6

My 5th wedding dream was a hoot- the night before my best friend and matron of honor's birthday, I dreamt that we were running around the night before the wedding, being...very US. I need to pick tons of things up and so we had to RUN to Michael's between all the other events going madly wrong. We starting throwing randomness into the baskets (ala highschool shopping trips)and then snuck into the corner and started making goofy bridal barrets and generally entertaining ourselves with things other people would find tacky and annoying. It made me smile to think of how much fun her and I will have with this (I know, it's about Jakub and I, but I have honestly imagined sharing this day with her since way before I met Jakub. It means the world to me that she will be by my side, just like I was by hers.


Wedding dream #6 was back to wedding day coming without preparation...running around, looking for a location, trying to find Bridesmaid dresses, trying to get my hair done. Ultimately there was no location so it all got moved to the tiny porch outside my mom's house. I was frantically trying to find my isle walking music online and couldn't...and then I turned to my mom and said, "It doesn't really matter, this is just a dream. I'll get another chance to do it." The dream kept going, but throughout I kept reminding myself that I didn't need to worry because I was just dreaming. Possibly next time I can decide to CHANGE the dream- that would be awesome.

Nuvaring-1: Katie- 0

One Saturday morning while lying around in bed, imagining the fun of our wedding (and the night of - not that it will be a maiden voyage by any means) I decided to take down our tropical images calendar and do some sleuthing. Turns out, I was right on plan to be having one particularly unwelcome guest the day of my wedding. The wedding night aside - me and white have not exactly gotten along in the past...I could only imagine the embarrassment that would ensue...

So I researched how to use my current form of "anti-baby" to set my schedule off by a week. Now, let it be known that lots of people do this with no issue whatsoever. I however am very sensitive to hormones and medications (and let's face it, everything) and suspected I might have a little trouble. What has errupted has been the biggest, ugliest volcano of illness, moodiness, tears, and general malase.

A week into the week skipping process, my body got very upset. It decided to take it out on my stomach first...mock afternoon sickness is the best description. I would feel fine until the clock hit the PM times and I would get overwhelming desire to lose whatever I had eaten. After I had, I would start to feel better, and then maybe have a few more waves. I also got tired and moody. And by moody I don't mean just one negative mood...I mean, Cybil moody. Happy, then teary, then clingy, then pissed, etc. etc. In general I just felt yucky...like a long string of PMS. I hear if you keep with it, it will get better, but I'm not going to take that risk. This weekend I go back to the normal routine, the wedding debaucle is diverted, and I guess I can consider myself a stronger person for it?

My Dress

I bought my dress...what a relief to have found something that I love NOW...so even if I fail to make all the BMI adjustments I hope to make before the BIG DAY, I will feel beautiful, because this dress really makes me feel that way. Obviously, I can't show pics, because they have to keep hidden from a certain Mister, but I am considering posting pics of some of the ones that didn't make the cut...

On another note, the night before I (as in my mom with her credit card and me in tow) bought the dress, I had one more dress dream. I dreamt that I disappointed the women at the other dress shop (I LOVED my first consultant at Trudy's!), and that again I ended up in a dark dress instead of white...and it was beautiful, but didn't make me feel bridely.

However, I look at my picture of my dress a few times a day, and every time I look like a real bride to me - and that was something I couldn't picture until I started putting on the dresses.

So I think that is end of my dress dreams...but I'm sure my mind has plenty up it's sleeve to fret about, even if currently, none of it is happening.

The "NEXT" Step

Before I begin (or AS I begin, as the case might be) let me say this - I am not a strange breed who has never been advised to live in the moment...enjoy every step of this wedding planning and of the day itself, because before I know it, it'll be a distant memory and I'll wish for the day back and yadda, yadda, yadda...I KNOW. And despite what it may look like, I TRY. HARD. Part of the process I won't miss, in fact, is the effort I'm pouring into enjoying it (although, it's starting to pay off and I am having some wonderful experiences). But not too far into the back of my mind (and that of others, some of whom have vocalized it) exists the "next step"...

BABY. Such a cute little round, bubbly word. Fitting, as most babies I've known were cute and bubbly for most of the time, and when they weren't, I handed them back. One day, there was a friend or family member with a big tummy and then later there was a little cutie who grew far too fast. And I've wanted to be THAT PERSON as long as I can remember - I mean, I wanted to be a mommy when I was 4. My baby doll meant the world to me, all my animals have been infant stand ins, and I've absorbed information like a baby making sponge! But all this time there has been a protective barrier (no profolactic-pun intended) between me and this idea...I wasn't married.

this is a good time to note that at the ripe age of thirty, I AM in fact aware that you don't need to be married to conceive a child...in fact I'm painfully aware of this having had the occassional "close call"

But now I will be getting married and we even have the occassional conversation about it. The funny thing is that the conversation has gone from "Crap, I hope NOT!!" or "I thought YOU had it covered?!" to a more positive tone. Especially with my choice of spouses...he is super, EXTRA down for a baby. My mind has decided to hit the breaks big time...screaching halt.

Brain: Wait, you wanna do what with your body?! Is this safe? Is it gonna hurt? I don't remember thinking this was a good idea.

Heart: Um, yeah, the conversation has only been going on for 25 years or so...being a mommy, baby clothes, etc....remember?!

Brain: Faintly, but I think I was kidding...like the time I said we should try to finish that drink- or try a rollercoaster...or move somewhere exotic...

Heart: Well, we're doing it...you don't get to make all the choices.

Brain: Ok, well then I want a better idea of what I'm dealing with here.

Soooo, brain and heart compromised and brain got to scan for some books to brush up on the matter...but brain, being a little overactive at times, picked 4 books for me and 1 for Jakub (just in case that "I'm never changing poopy diapers" joke is less joke and more warning). By the way, that is very embarrassing to admit.

So books are on their way, and god willing, someday so will a little person who will blame ME for their early development or short stature or neurotic mind, keep me up nights worried about stuffy noses and what kind of vomit is "ok" vomit. And according to everyone, I will love it.

To be continued....