Is Ms. Manners on the Guest List?

There is a consensus among brides, past and present...people are, to say it nicely, presumptuous. I have to admit I understand being inconvenienced by other people's weddings, but I've never been rude about it. You can decide it doesn't work for you and not go...because it's an invitation, not an arrest warrant. If you do want to go, you gotta grin and bear it. You're not going to ask the bride to change her dress, her wedding colors, her GROOM, right?! Why would you ask her to change, or make assumptions about her guest list. You can not make any assumptions...and don't ask. You will find out if you're invited when an invitation does or doesn't come to your house. In addition, etiquette dictates that spouses or live in partners are invited...if you've been dating someone a couple of months...or kissed a guy in a club- it does not mean that your friend has the responsibility to pay $100 for them to eat and drink and allow them to share in their special day. I know this sounds like a whiny vent- and guess what? It is. I do mean to complain. Honestly - people should trust me when I say that this is NOT easy - I want everyone to be happy and have fun. I also want all the people I love in the world to be with me that day - and if I haven't met your cousin's brother's best friend's sister that you met at Lilith Fair 3 years ago, then I don't love her. Some of my favorite people aren't able to come based on things like cost, occupancy, feuds and hard feelings.

I will add in that some people have been very kind...beyond the mister, all of our very generous parents, and a stellar wedding party- others have really helped. Some people have let me know that they can't attend off the bat...allowing me to plan around their precious positions. Some friends have asked details for their own planning purposes and then been more than kind at any answer I've given. I hope these people know that every person who believes they are special enough to have their entourage to my wedding or that my wedding is the place to find out if they really like that guy from the internet, makes me appreciate them MORE - it doesn't shadow over how sensitive they are to me.

Like I've said - you learn quickly who the wedding is NOT about - the couple. Or at least that's how it feels. Waaa, waaaa, I know.