Is Ms. Manners on the Guest List?

There is a consensus among brides, past and present...people are, to say it nicely, presumptuous. I have to admit I understand being inconvenienced by other people's weddings, but I've never been rude about it. You can decide it doesn't work for you and not go...because it's an invitation, not an arrest warrant. If you do want to go, you gotta grin and bear it. You're not going to ask the bride to change her dress, her wedding colors, her GROOM, right?! Why would you ask her to change, or make assumptions about her guest list. You can not make any assumptions...and don't ask. You will find out if you're invited when an invitation does or doesn't come to your house. In addition, etiquette dictates that spouses or live in partners are invited...if you've been dating someone a couple of months...or kissed a guy in a club- it does not mean that your friend has the responsibility to pay $100 for them to eat and drink and allow them to share in their special day. I know this sounds like a whiny vent- and guess what? It is. I do mean to complain. Honestly - people should trust me when I say that this is NOT easy - I want everyone to be happy and have fun. I also want all the people I love in the world to be with me that day - and if I haven't met your cousin's brother's best friend's sister that you met at Lilith Fair 3 years ago, then I don't love her. Some of my favorite people aren't able to come based on things like cost, occupancy, feuds and hard feelings.

I will add in that some people have been very kind...beyond the mister, all of our very generous parents, and a stellar wedding party- others have really helped. Some people have let me know that they can't attend off the bat...allowing me to plan around their precious positions. Some friends have asked details for their own planning purposes and then been more than kind at any answer I've given. I hope these people know that every person who believes they are special enough to have their entourage to my wedding or that my wedding is the place to find out if they really like that guy from the internet, makes me appreciate them MORE - it doesn't shadow over how sensitive they are to me.

Like I've said - you learn quickly who the wedding is NOT about - the couple. Or at least that's how it feels. Waaa, waaaa, I know.

There's a Little Bridezilla in us all...

Enter the next in the running saga of wedding dreams. Where to start? How about the beginning...
I am walking down the aisle (of course not my location - looks like outside a gym or recreation center). First I notice that I get to look at all the people in attendance...I've thought a couple of times how cool this part must be. Some of the people invited I haven't seen for some years...how does one NOT stop and chat?! So far it seems great, little do I know it's going to get worse (how does that work, BTW? I'm making it up in MY brain, how do I NOT know what's coming?!). So everyone has seen me and I'm getting down the aisle and realize I'm not completely ready AND my music isn't playing. I storm back to a room where my DJ is...in my dream I can't remember the name of the songs and he kept asking "Journey?" NO! Not journey, the songs I sent you 7 months ago fool!! You don't even have them available? This is where I went TOTALLY Bridezilla, yelling and screaming in my dream. I had a gaggle of bridesmaids (none of which are actually in my wedding) who weren't dressed yet, and I was yelling "who the f*** wouldn't be dressed by NOW?!" And in my dream, Bridezilla-ing doesn't go over so well (again, why do I make things harder if I'm making them up?). My DJ starts telling me I'm rude and yelling back at me. I try to be firm yet kind to just to get MY aisle music playing. I end up having to hand him my ipod to get the music. I start walking back up, but it's not exciting because everyone's already seen me. My dad is no where to be seen but everyone is telling me to keep walking BUT I look to the end of aisle and Mister isn't there either...this is NOT how I wanted it.
So, not only is there a Bridezilla somewhere lurking in my subconcious, but it doesn't get anything accomplished either. Lesson learned, I'll be nice. But not too nice...

Engagement Photos: The Sequel

We took our engagement photos, which honestly was never in my plan and didn't matter much to me. How was I to know this could be better than a massage in the relaxation department? So from now on, this will be one of my "when I was a bride" tips - do an engagement session. Why? I will tell you....

1) I got to know my photographer a little bit better. I saw her style WHILE in action (and was pleasantly suprised) and got to chit chat a little at the same time. I even met her cute pup!

2)I got to try out make-up application for the day. There are schools of thought that preach "not too much make-up when you're wearing white!" some that just say "no bright colors" and some that say "cake it on baby, or the camera won't see it at all!" I felt pretty made up and still could have probably used a little more at times. But I got a good rehearsal for the BIG DAY.

3)I got to see the magic that my photographer can work! I am now not terrified of a little blemish here or small imperfections. I actually don't mind looking at the pictures she took of me which gives me so much more confidence for the day.

Overall I'm just more relaxed about the photo process which is not a small part of the day. One more thing to check off the list, take a big deep sigh, and pop open a Bud Light Lime over.

Here Comes the (mothers of) the Bride

There is a horde of television shows and movies that portray brides as prissy, snippy, little brats who protest details, change their minds endlessly, and add tension to the lives of those around them. And the main "boning" of contention? The dress. Yes, one single network has two shows alone related SOLELY to the decision of the Bride's attire. The material is wrong, it fits me weird, it's the wrong shade of white...whatever it is, Brides are shown in various states of mania over the dress. I tried on a max of 8 dresses and the whole deal was over in a total of 3hours spanned over 3 weeks. I'm not tooting my own horn (ok, wait, yes I am!) but I just find it an interesting contrast between some of the other wardrobe woes associated with our wedding.

The moms are a wonderful bunch of ladies...two are mine, one is his, but I'm the only daughter amongst the group. Now, I get that as a bride, I am the only one in my role, and therefore meant to stand out. As one of 3 "Mother of"s, they would like to co-ordinate, be dressed on a similar level but not matchy matchy or god forbid, actually matching. (My mom and step-mom have done that once...it's a great story, but doesn't need a sequel). Brides also have the advantage of the fact that OUR dresses don't have an 80% frump factor (notice I didn't say they don't have a large hidious factor!) so we're luckier than the moms there. But we have four month left (Ok, 3 months, 4 weeks, 1 day, 1 hour, 39 minutes, 32 seconds - yup, there's an app for that) and I believe the universal mom panic button was activated. All three are curious about what to wear, worried about not finding anything, and further - they are concerned about what I will think. Have they met me? I want them to feel pretty and comfortable that day...if that involves a mid-drift baring sequins dress, then so be it! (I jest only because they all have better style than that). But I am starting to see collective beads of sweat form on their maternal brows. I'm guessing more time has gone into the hunt for "Mother Of" attire than the wedding dress already, and a LOT more worry and time will go into it before this journey ends.
And so as not to put the moms in a bubble, I have made it a little easier by putting the dads and my brother in the same tuxes as the wedding party...but they aren't wedding party, so I thought I would get them co-ordinating but different ties. Well, any tie with champagne...also has blue. Blue is not in the "palette" - so it has come down to me relying on a certain wedding angel who found a tie pattern that I JUST might be able to follow:)
My friends too have begun telling me their wardrobe plans...I'm almost getting more excited to see them than to have them see me! And of course - I'm beyond honored that everyone is so concerned about what they are wearing to our wedding - even though, like most of what I've discovered during wedding planning, probably has nothing to do with us!